Courting (This is long - You may want to print and read it when you have time.)
Thank you Julie and Rhonda for so much information and wisdom. What a blessing you both are!
You must start your day in PRAYER. Every morning when you wake up, Satan is waiting at the foot of your bed. So, if you want to have a good day, begin it with God and give Him your first fruits. Make sure your heart is pure everyday so you can see God. The cleaner (purer) your heart is, the better you can see God. We need to listen as God is talking to us, and we need to remember that God is bigger than everything. Don't try to do anything without God.
Before your feet hit the floor in the morning, ask God to show you teachable moments, and when you come upon one, drop everything you are doing and use the moment. Don't let it get away, it won't be back. If your child is asking about something you don't know, tell them that you don't know. Tell them that they have asked a great question. That may be all they need. If you are unsure of how much to share, tell them that now is not a good time to talk. After you pray about it, you can then talk to them by sharing what God has put upon your heart. (Ex. They ask you if you had sex before marriage.)
More is caught than taught. When the kids see you reading the Bible and praying, it shows them the Bible and praying is important. When they see you couponing, they realize the importance of being good stewards of their money. Life is a journey. Everyday, talk about things - heart things. While your kids are young, imprint on them before the world does. You are the best person to teach your children. You know them best and know what they need to hear.
Every answer is found in the Bible. Human nature never changes. What you teach your children lasts for a lifetime.
Courting has a broad definition. For some people, it means dating only the person you intend to marry, and dating is done in the context of the family. Some people just stay out of any dating situations and wait for God to bring their future spouse to them. Some do purposeful dating (meaning looking for a spouse while dating). Some date only in chaperoned situations, while others don't. If someone tells you that they do courtship, ask for their definition.
However, courting always does indicate a more serious commitment than dating. Dating hurts because hearts get broken. (Every time you date, you tear off a piece of your heart and give it to someone. Jesus can heal our hearts and make them whole again, but there will always be scars. You can actually tear and glue a paper heart with your children so they can have a visual.) Dating is also a set-up for divorce. (When I get tired of someone, I find someone new.)
When Julie's son decided to court Rhonda's daughter, he mailed a letter to her father asking for permission to court her with the intention of marriage. They then dated in the context of the family.
When your children are young, begin to pray with them for their future spouse. Ask for a godly man or woman that walks with Christ and loves children. (Remember, you have not because you ask not.) Remember that your number one criteria for a spouse is that they are godly. Talk to your children, particularly sons, about guarding their eyes. Porn is a big thing for men. Men are visual. Challenge your children that the first naked man/woman they see is their spouse on their wedding night.
Remember those teachable moments: Point out a man opening a door for a woman and tell them women like that. Tell your sons that women like to be cherished, protected and kept safe. Teach your sons to speak and treat women gently. Point out men being gentlemen. Tell your daughters to watch how a young man treats his mother in order to see how he will treat you. Remind your children not to treat others poorly. Remind them someday that person will be someone's husband/wife. Point out things you like - such as how nicely a certain girl is dressed.
Parents are the ones who should talk to their children about sex. Teach them that sex is not bad but is beautiful. BUT sex should be kept between a husband and wife. When you talk to them, be honest that the topic makes you uncomfortable. Encourage your children to wait until they are married. (Julie had a great word picture. A burning log is useful in the fireplace, but on the floor, it will start a fire. The same thing happens with premarital sex. Sex belongs in marriage or you get burned.) Waiting is especially difficult for an engaged couple. Tell them that their feelings are normal, and this time is giving them a chance to practice self-control and patience. Remind them that their hearts are deceitful. (Note for parents with children 18 and older. Remember that you are just a coach. The following are two things you may wish to tell your older children to help them remain pure- Nothing good happens after 10:30. Nothing under clothes should be touched.)
If your child doesn't buy into courting, let them date as a family. Have the young man/woman spend time with family and make an effort to know the young man/woman. Remember when you marry, you get the whole family. If someone asks your daughter for a date and your daughter courts, have her tell the young man to call her father for permission. If a child really wants to date alone, tell them they have to be 18 years old. Remind young children that boyfriends are preparation for marriage. An 8 year old doesn't need a boyfriend because they are not ready to get married.
Lastly, it doesn't all rest on our shoulders. God does not give us a spirit of fear and worry. God is in control. Don't over-protect your children. They may need to learn from their mistakes. Don't forget that God can speak directly to our children. All you can really do is PRAY!
The Awesome Book List:
Praying God's Word Day By Day - Beth Moore
A Chicken's Guide to Talking Turkey With Your Kids About Sex - Kevin Leman
Created to Be His Help Meet - Debi Pearl
Intimate Issues - Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus
What (Almost) Nobody Will Tell You About Sex - Jim Hancock and Kara Eckamnn Powell
Created For Work - Bob Schultz
The Greatest Words Ever Spoken - Steven K. Scott
Creative Correction - Lisa Whelchel
How and When to Tell Your Kids About Sex - Stanton L. and Brenna B. Jones
Active Marriage- LaHaye
Have a New Husband by Friday - Kevin Leman
The Power of a Praying Parent - Stormie Omartian
Any "Love Language" book by Gary Chapman
The New Dare to Discipline - Dr. James Dobson
Bringing Out the Best in Your Child - Cynthia Ulrich Tobias and Carol Funk
More Beautiful You - Johnny Diaz (See flyer in files section for girls conference at Heritage Christian Church)
Bringing Up Girls - James Dobson
Heritage Builders - Jim Weidmann and John Warner with Kurt Bruner (See e-mail sent by Julie with the subject Heritage Builders.)
(If there is anything that needs correcting or has been missed, please let me know.)
Love in Christ,
Nancy
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